1Corinthians 13:8 “Love never fails-never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end.”
If you are in love, not only will the physical appearance and behavior of the other person attracts you, but also will his or her character, personality, ideas and attitudes. You will be interested in the way he or she thinks and responds to situations. How does the other person respond to personal success or failure? Is he or she kind, appreciative and courteous? Does your attitude on religion, family, sex, finances and friends match? The more you have in common in the realm of life, the better your chances for developing genuine love.
When you truly love someone, your family and close friends will most likely approve of the relationship. If your parents or friend do not approve-beware! If they feel convinced that you are about to make a big mistake, they may be right. Parental approval is a key clue. Statistics show that those marriages which lack the blessing of parents have a high failure rate. If you marry without love, it doesn't mean that you will not later come to love the person you marry. And if you marry the person you love, it doesn’t mean you will always love that person nor have a successful marriage. Love and relationship are complicated without God. Love has the potential to kill and it also has the power to make you happy; rather content for life. Love is a complex word weighted by the complications that are encountered during the divine process. However, true love remains with you for eternity and is capable enough of bringing success and happiness.
So here I am, though not the right person to talk on the subject of love and relationship, but having gone through the divine magic of love I would like to suggest some ways to lead a healthier and happier love life.
FOR THOSE WHO ARE SINGLE
Too often we convince ourselves that if I could just have the one thing I don’t have, then I would be happy. Let’s consider meeting a partner, for example. We may think that loneliness would disappear. Our love and intimacy needs would be consistently met. But the reality is that having a man or a woman in our life will not solve all our problems. Life will still have its challenges and difficulties. Being in a relationship means trading in one set of concerns for another. When you are careful to base your joy on God and not on the circumstances of life, you receive at least four gifts:
- Freedom: It comes not when you get everything you want, but when you are content with what God has given you.
- Blessings: When you look for the good in every situation, you stumble to blessings you didn't realize you had.
- Satisfaction: Don’t focus so much on what you don’t have that you miss the chance to be fully satisfied in God. It’s your relationship with God, not with a man or a woman that will bring you true fulfillment.
- Purpose: If you are single, do you use your status to glorify and honour god? Or have you put your life on hold, thinking that you will only be happy when a man or a woman comes along? The answer to these questions reveals the focus of your heart. (Colossians 3:2 “Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.”)
FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE
In relationship feelings ebb and flow like the tides of an ocean. When you first fall in love with someone, your excitement level is high. Even everyday activities can seem exciting. Yet the “in-love” feeling can be addictive. For this reason so many people bounce from relationship to relationship. Once the excitement wears off, like the flavour of bubble gum after several chews, the good times seem to be over. Yet real love is not based on changeable feelings. Instead it’s an act of the will, a choice to honor your commitment to another person. This is the kind of love that Jesus had as he determined to go through the agony of the cross. The quality of true love isn’t measures by the excitement level. Rather, true love is one in which both the person love each other enough to stay together even after the “flavour” seems to have worn off. Stay individually connected with God; seek his help regarding your love life and trust that he’s the glue to bind you together. (Romans 12:10 “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”)
FOR THOSE WHO ARE HEART-BROKEN
Breaking up hurts. We know there is no gentle way to break up. But we can do something to soften the blow and prevent more serious problems. Healing from past hurts takes courage, tenacity and time. After someone deeply wounds us, it’s normal to feel like shutting down so that no one can hurt us again. However, if we indulge this natural response and develop a habit of building walls, we never move past our pain. Following Jesus Christ as our model for living means we must loosen the hold our pain has on us and truly engage with other people. We should always remember that forgiving someone else doesn’t make what he or she did to you Ok. It helps to make you Ok. Holding on to yesterdays hurts affects today’s potential relationships. Will you allow those who hurt you in the past to continue influencing your future? Others need you. You may be withholding love and encouragement from friend who really need you to let them in for their sake. (1Peter 4:8-10) Every relationship has the potential for both blessing and pain. Consider how Judas, part of the inner circle betrayed Jesus but the other 11 remained faithful to him.(Ecclesiastes 4:9 “Two are better than one.”)
FOR THOSE WHO ARE FLIRT
Some people think that it’s Ok to flirt as long as everyone’s just having fun. We didn’t have sex, we did nothing, and we were just enjoying each other’s company blah…blah…blah!!
Well, let me tell you it’s one thing to remain physically pure by not engaging in sex outside of marriage or having an extramarital affair. It’s quite another thing to remain emotionally pure- not to flirt with another man, become emotionally attached to him, or talk with him about topics appropriate only between a husband and wife. Too often we ignore these “lesser” acts of impurity and justify them by saying “we haven’t actually done anything.” But Jesus said we are guilty all the same if we let impure thoughts infiltrate our minds (Matthew 5:28) Take a realistic look at why you dress or act the way you do? Set some boundaries for yourself, lines you will not cross and stick to them. Your first boundary shouldn’t be physical touch; it should be guarding your thoughts and your conversations. That will help protect you from acting on impure thoughts. (1Chronicles 28:9 “For the Lord searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought.”)
FOR THOSE WHO ARE NERD
Within each of us is a desire to be known and loved. Maybe that’s why we take to heart the words of Genesis 2:18, “It is not good…..to be alone.” Being alone can be very hard, and it’s natural to want a relationship so we have companionship. The danger comes when our desire to escape being alone turns into an expectation or agenda. You can be easily disappointed if God doesn’t seem to follow your plans. The world may tell you that you are somehow incomplete if you are single, especially if you’re not in a romantic relationship at all. God tells you you’re complete if you have him. You may know that intellectually, but how do you truly accept that and live as if you’re whole, regardless of whether or not you’re in a relationship? Remember that not all relationship is blissful – and some are downright painful. Singleness isn’t just an escape route from a bad relationship or a waiting period between relationships. As many people would attest, it’s better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. Consider some of the benefit of being single. Read (1Corinthians 7:32-35) and ask god to show you what’s good about your station in life. As the old saying goes, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” Explore what’s good about your side of the fence. Contentment is the way to start exploring your territory. As Paul says, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want” (Philippians 4:12). He might have added “whether single or married”! Remind yourself of the truth about God’s love for you. If you’re his child, he won’t withhold anything from you that you need. (Psalm 23:1 “The lord is my shepherd I lack nothing.”)
FOR THOSE WHO ARE CASANOVA
The bible teaches that God created sex. He made male and female and god saw everything that he had made, and behold it was very good (Genesis 1:31).this included the natural sexual attraction between the man and the woman. He created therefore, sex is not sin. It is god’s gift to human race. It is for enjoyment within the bonds of matrimony, for the fulfilment of married love. Soon after the creation, because of Eve’s and Adam’s rebellion and the introduction of sin into human race, God had to add some guidelines. One is the seventh commandment which says, “Thou shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14). Sexual desire and expression of affection are natural. But the beauty of sex has been married by sin. Sex is a temptation because the flesh wants to go in one direction and the Holy Spirit in another. The flesh is in conflict with the spirit. Controlled sex can be a blessing but premarital sex has lot of disadvantages. It leaves you with feelings of guilt. Sexual experience makes you afraid, worried, embarrassed and guilty. When you indulge in premarital sex over and over again, the guilt, fear and loss of self respect are compounded. Premarital sex destroys virginity. Many young men when dating a girl will go all out for sex, purely for physical gratification. But these same fellows want their brides to be virgins. You can say the bible definitely teaches that immorality is sin in the sight of God. Its hurts you psychologically and physically. Paul urges young Timothy to “ keep yourself pure”( 1Timothy 5:22) “flee youthful lusts” (2Timothy 2:22). The story of Joseph in Genesis 37 is worth mentioning here. Joseph responded no to Potiphar’s wife who attempted to seduce him. Joseph knew the beauty of present sacrifice for future rewards. If you want to be a winner, as Joseph was, you too will have to give up some immediate pleasures for the sake of ultimate benefits. Do you want God’s absolute best for you?? Wait for the wedding. You are worth waiting for. (Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”).
It is my prayer that with the help of these suggestions you will be able to acquire more knowledge about love and relationship and through the power of God’s grace, make you more aware, more courageous, and more willing to make the right decisions.
